Post secondary education

After 7 years, 3 universities and $27,000.00 of debt, I never finished undergrad. The education portion of my resume is ambiguous and I have indeed lied about having a degree when filling out work applications. I only confide in my closest friends...and even then, I never utter the words above a whisper.

My shame was vindicated in 2008, during the presidential campaign, when my own party dragged Sarah Palin's educational background into the media to further discredit her. I joined in, laughing the loudest and the longest... "5 colleges before she got her degree...we don't want a moron like that to be second in command....HA HA HA HA HA...ahem" But at night, when I was alone and no one was looking all I could think was "Wait, she actually got her degree." I don't have mine. I could still win. I could get my degree in 4 colleges! Not ideal, but better than 5. Ha ha...she's an idiot...5 colleges...what a dummy!

Long before the Sarah Palin fiasco of 2008, I had decided I was going to go back to school to get the illusive bachelor's degree. Being older and wiser I had conditions:

1. I wanted the college to be local, and
2. It needed to be cheap.

I was already paying off a ton of debt from my other 3 colleges and didn't want to add any unnecessary financial strain. I patted myself on the back for being so smart and pragmatic and started looking. My search lead me to The City College of New York - the first and oldest of the CUNY schools - described by Wikipedia as "The Harvard of the proletariat" - I liked the sound of it, that's where I wanted to go.

I began my online application with the enthusiasm of someone on the precipice of unlimited potential. I could see my future unfolding before my eyes. I would major in a respectable subject like biology, math or some other subject that I have historically sucked at, and then apply to med school or veterinary school where I would graduate with honors and gain the love, respect and adulation I deserve.

I paid the $65 application fee, attached all the necessary documentation and pressed send an entire month before the application deadline. It was only a matter of time before my acceptance letter came floating through the mail slot. This time would be different, this time I would not tell tall tales about having abortions or cancer or AIDs to get out of final exams, this time I would sit quietly at the head of the class and pay attention, study diligently, finish all my assignments well in advance of their due dates and make something of myself.

I waited a couple months before making my first phone call.

"City College Office of Admissions"
"Yes hello my name is Rachel Biello...how are you today?"...silence
"What do you want?"
"Yes of course, I applied, using your online system...which is very convenient by the way...and I was wondering if by any chance..."
"Hold..."

No hold music just emptiness, I couldn't tell if she had hung up on me or if she was still on the line...so I waited...another voice comes on, a male this time... I restart my introduction...

"City College Office of admission..."
"Yes hi, my name is Rachel Biello and I was wondering if you could give me the status of my application"
"You'll get a letter when they get sent out"
"Thank y..." click

I think I left a good impression.

I waited months during which time I had a dozen identical conversations. They knew me by name - things were already different this time around.

Finally, weeks before school was scheduled to start, confident I had been admitted, but confused by the lack of correspondence, I decided to call:

SC: "City College Office if Admissions"
ME: "Yes, hi, I was wondering if it's safe to assume that I should have heard from you by now regarding the fall semester"
SC: "Yeah"
ME: "My name is Rachel and blah blah blah"

...only this time

SC: "You don't show as having ever applied"

WHAT?!

SC: "Oh I see the problem"

I knew it, a tiny solvable glitch.

SC: "You went to school in a foreign country and we need proper documentation"

A foreign country, what foreign country?

SC: "Colombia"..
ME: "No no no I went to Columbia University, with a U - the one that is 20 blocks downtown from your school"...silence....
SC: "Please hold"

...silence.

SC: "You should come to Admissions immediately if you intend to attend school in September"

I arrive exactly 45 minutes later to a line 5 people thick and 20 people long. I wait 1 hour before a woman finally helps me. Apparently, the reason I haven't heard anything yet is that I need a transcript from Barnard to which I explain I never went to Barnard, she tells me to wait, and disappears for 20 minutes returning accompanied by a man who appears to be in charge. He looks at the screen and, in very broken English, gives me a completely different interpretation, of what he see,

SC: "You need to take English profish test"
ME: "Fine."

He then makes me reapply as a late applicant. Apparently late applicants find out then and there if they have been accepted. I pay another $65, he "expedites" the process, and reads my fate from the magic screen:

SC: "Thank you for application to City College of New York. After careful review of application, City College of New York office of admission regret inform you no have been accepted for Fall 2009 semester"

What do I need to do? What am I missing? I exceed the 2.0 required GPA required for transfer students.

I need a math credit...he suggest I go get it at LaGuardia Community College...he also suggests I apply today, since it is the last day for all CUNY registration for the 2009 fall semester. So I run like a bat out of hell, to the subway, to Long Island City. I ask someone who appears to be a student, if they know where LaGuardia Community college is. They point to a decaying warehouse. I thank them and run to my future.

I walk into a giant foyer, where hundreds of people are waiting. A banner saying "registration" reassures me that I'm in the right place. I get in the long line. 1 hour passes and before I arrive at bored woman number 1, I tell the woman the purpose of my visit, to which she responds

BW1: "You'll have to talk to that woman over there".

The woman over there was sitting inches away from bored woman number 1. I turn to look at bored woman number 2, she is texting, 20 seconds pass, she reluctantly looks up.

BW2: "Yeah?"

I tell her the purpose of my visit, she keeps texting, when she's ready she looks up and tells me I need to take a number. I take one...my number is 96...now we're getting somewhere.

I take a seat in the sea of people... I wonder what number we're on. A woman appears at the far corner..."11" she yells "11!" 11 gets up and goes over. Shit, we're only on 11. I won't quit now. I have come so far, a few more hours isn't going to kill me. A man appears at another corner..."36" he yells, "number 36!"...we're on 36! Much better!

3 hours pass. I've read all the pamphlets, had some coffee, snoozed, met some of the other applicants, my future classmates...some of whom have documentation from the New York State department of corrections. Suddenly, another man appears and yells "95, number 95" Oh my god we're on 95, we're almost there...he continues "95 number 95 are you here 95" I'm getting very excited. 95 may have given up and gone home...bad for 95 good for me! "97, number 97" I jump out of my seat and scream:

ME: "How the hell are you people counting...how can you go from 95 to 97, I'm 96, I've been here for 3 hours, I'm 96 godammit and I want to register for math, and I want to do it now. 97 stay right where you are because it's my turn!"

The room fell silent, you could hear a pin drop. No one spoke. I could see the face of the admissions officer looking past me, as though sending a message to someone far behind me. I looked to my fellow applicants and did not see solidarity on their faces. Instead they all seemed in agreement, that I had broken some moral code, I was stepping outside the way things work...or don't work, and I was wrong. I reiterated, only calmer this time "96 comes after 95, I've been here for 3 hours, I just want to get this over with right? I'm sure you all feel the same way" Looking for support among my fellow applicants.

Suddenly, a firm hand gripped my upper arm, as I felt myself being dragged away. I started screaming "Let go of me, I've been waiting for hours, this is crazy, there's a number system, I may not have fulfilled your basic math requirement but I know full well that 96 comes after 95... don't touch me...I went to Columbia University, Columbia, with a U..."

See my yelp review of The City College of New York

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